Planning/Layout of my 1st Body of Artworks - Mandalas

This is a rough outline for the 3 Mandalas that I will be painting for this body of work.

I am creating 3 mandalas that are representative of each phase that I go through when I am having an anxiety attack. I want to state again that this is my own personal experience. This is specifically my story with my feelings and emotions and in no way does it generalize what anxiety is or how it feels to other people. When I get anxious, my emotions are amplified which sends me into an even more anxious state and so on, a continuous cycle. That is one of the reasons that I chose to do these mandalas. They are endless and boundless and the circles can continue forever if you never stop drawing. But that is the beauty of a mandala. Even though there is the possibility of a never-ending cycle and countless repetitions of the same pattern, you also have the ability to say that this is the last circle. You are in control of how many circles you complete, how many sections there are, what colors you chose, and the type of pattern you want to create. That is the same way that I see my anxiety. I can continue forever in this state of emotional outbursts and never-ending exhaustion, or I can continue working on my coping skills and learning new healthy habits.

I am creating a mandala for each phase of my anxiety attacks. A Pre-anxiety attack, Mid- anxiety attack, and a Post- anxiety attack mandala. Each color that I chose is representative of an emotion that I am feeling and each symbol represents certain actions. Mandalas are created to be read from the inside outward so that is what I am doing with my mandalas as well. I will be making a chart that is next to my mandala so that the person looking at it can "read" what the experience is like for me.

In the outline posted above, you can see that the main emotion that I feel before the anxiety attack is PANIC. I start to feel panicky because I know what is about to happen and I know that I am not always able to calm myself down before the wave of anxiety crashes over me. When thinking about this mandala and how I would be drawing it, I already started to feel the panic creeping up from my stomach. The best way I have found to describe my panic attack stages is through the image of a wave.

The Pre-Anxiety stage is that feeling when you feel the ocean pulling you in deeper and you cannot get a foothold. It feels like the sand is giving way underneath you and your muscles are tensing up in anticipation of the crash that is coming. In this mandala, I will be moving from less detail in the middle to more detail on the outward circles. This will be to represent the emotions that are building and getting more intense.

In this mandala, there is also a lot of leaf motifs present because I am still feeling somewhat grounded. There is also some full circles but not a lot.

The second mandala, the Mid-Anxiety stage is going to focus mainly on the fear that I feel when I know that there is no turning around now. We have to ride the wave and come out on the other side. Some anxiety attacks are more severe than others. When I think about this stage of the attack I think about the ocean sweeping your feet from under you and tumbling you over and over again. You are disorientated and scared and you are struggling to breathe. That is what I feel in the middle of a panic attack. But I always try to focus on the third phase and see the silver lining. This mandala will have the most intricate details as this is the most intense point of my anxiety attacks.

The last mandala, the Post-Anxiety stage will be representing the final stage. Where the wave comes crashing down and spilling onto the beach. That is the moment where you can finally take your first proper breath and stand up to evaluate the situation. What I am trying to convey with this mandala is RELIEF. The worst is over. But sometimes it takes a few tries to get to this point. In this mandala, I will be using a lot less detail than in the previous two to show the lack of energy. After such an anxiety attack I am usually exhausted mentally and emotionally. The middle of the mandala will have more detail than the outer circles do to show how the emotions are dwindling down.

The layout of this artwork is going to be a bit different than I first decided. I am sticking to this 1/3 structure. Instead of having these mandalas next to each other, they will be stacked on top of each other so that the next one is still visible. They will also be able to rotate to create a variety of different combinations. I decided to take this layout because every anxiety episode is not the same as the one before it. Some are more or less intense than others. Some are triggered by different things than what would normally trigger me. Therefore each third of each mandala will be a different drawing. The whole artwork will be held together by the broach of my grandmother that will be in the center. She was my core inspiration for this project and therefore the is the core of this artwork.